I haven’t been blogging the A to Z Challenge these past few days because they were blocking me from getting the necessary things done—namely writing my novel, editing Kate’s novels, and preparing books for publishing (and other life obligations). I’ve been blogging for well over a decade, and love it. I’m not stopping blogging altogether. It’s just that, given the day job, trying to wedge in the A to Z Challenge as well was turning out to be a burden....
Apply nose.
I confess! I have many fears: fear of death; fear of illness; fear of embarrassing myself; fear of letting people down; fear of heights; fear of spiders; fear of being stupid; fear of intimacy; fear of ending up alone; fear of the dark; fear of food poisoning; fear of ridicule; fear of failing…. They’re all irrational, and many are contradictory. That’s the nature of fear. It fucks with you. It makes you hesitate....
Forgiveness is still my challenge. I’m pretty good at not letting things get to me; I focus on how to move forward, rather than placing blame—perhaps to a fault. (I let too many people walk all over me.) But when someone acts out of malice, like the Godfather says, “This I do not forgive.” Of course, the offender doesn’t care and goes on his merry way, being an asshole. But my holding on to that resentment, that hurt, that anger only damages me, leaving me unhappy, closed off, suspicious, bitter, and sometimes a jerk....
As a writer, I am fortunate to have a best friend who happens to be a wonderful author. She reads my stuff, gives me notes, helps me see clearly my story, and listens to my whining when I’m stuck. And I do the same for her. And this helps make the solitary endeavor of writing a bit less lonely. Beyond her, however, I have had no writing colleagues with whom to share....