Close on old array of typewriter print keys

If you want to write a novel that’s literary as fuck

Then here are some tips from the fucking great Suzanne Reisman. 6. Why’d That Asshole Do That, Part II A novel that’s literary as fuck needs some baseline plot, even if your character development is fucking amazing and you don’t believe in pedestrian bullshit, like plots. People appreciate a little fucking action. That is why even readers of books who are literary as fuck flock to superhero movies that have almost no character development at all....

 · Laura Lis Scott
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In which words flow, but not where I need them

The place: The Facebook website thingie. The time: A moment of weakness (escaping from my manuscript). The assignment: “Exercise!!! 250-500-100 words (some kind of narrative). No “to be” verbs!” The inspiration: This great photo (above). My jotted whatnot: Without Sole Has anyone seen my sneakers? They walked off with my soul, and now I wander the earth, barefoot and in mourning, experiencing a life bereft of meaning. Who knew shoes could take so much merely through their absence?...

 · Laura Lis Scott
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Piggies for tomorrow

Piggies are for saving! My piggy is Instapaper, Pinboard and Evernote, where I bookmark all the things that my ADD head says, “Oh I’ll want to read this later.” But when does later come? I think it’s tomorrow, and when I realize that, I figure heck! What was I worried about? I can look at that tomorrow? So when does tomorrow actually arrive? And then I realize that it never comes....

 · Laura Lis Scott
Man laughing, head back covering his eyes

H is for Ho Ho Ho Hee Hee Hee Ha Ha Ha

It’s one thing to know formal English, but this is not all that’s required for the subtleties of communication. Consider these monosyllabic grunts—and their variants—that begin with H: Ha! (That’s funny!) Ha! (I don’t believe you.) Ha! (Go away, critter!) Aha! (I see!) Ha–ha! (That’s very funny!) Ha–ha! (That is not funny.) He… (Who?) He (Helium) HECKa–BBBBBB! (I’m making a hip TV reference you probably don’t get.) Hee!...

 · Laura Lis Scott
The Scream, by Edvard Munch.

I is for Iambic Pentameter

To what domain should I devote my pen? To verse where I betray my ignorance? For I to put these words on blogging, sense Is strained by hackneyed turns of phrase—what then? Oh Muse! Betray me not! This dalliance Is but a metered post occasioned when The A to Z endeavor strikes again A block on all my words. And so I hence State: I am giving up writing iambic pentameter....

 · Laura Lis Scott
C

C is for Cromulent

So often our language becomes so bland it feels like it’s been diluted with chicken milk. Or expelled from one’s dupa. It’s enough to make you schmerf. Supposably, with a blurp of inspiration, language can be epicaltastic and embiggen one’s imagination. “Fantabulous!” people will cry as they bow to your prose. Irregardless, one must be careful, or risk embodying obnoxity, which may result in ginormous embarrassment and leave friends flustrated....

 · Laura Lis Scott
D

D is for Dry

Sometimes the cupboard is bare. Sometimes the tissue is gone. Sometimes the tank has no gas. Sometimes the milk is done. How does one take the end of supply? Does despair find respite in a good cry? When the dry well just mocks us as it breaches our trust, can we let go of attachments to wishes and musts?

 · Laura Lis Scott
A

A is for A

A is a word, too. Pity a. A gets no respect. A gets taken for granted. A gets trotted out and used—and often misused—by writers every day, without any thought or consideration. Can you search for a on most websites? No. A, for all its graceful brevity, is deemed unworthy—too short to index. A does not even seem to merit clarity on preferred pronunciation; and when you consider that one way is to pronounce it as “uh,” you begin to realize the cavalier disrespect society has for this first among all words....

 · Laura Lis Scott
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A to Z is for Audacity to Zen

The Blogging A to Z Challenge: Blog every day in April, except Sundays, each day dedicated to a letter. When your days are not your own, it’s just a little bit audacious to take on a daily blogging challenge. But you only live once. I’ve decided to give it a shot. No, I have no idea what I’m going to write about. That’s not for lack of trying, though....

 · Laura Lis Scott
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Imposter Syndrome

Social scientists working on a decades-long population study have recently concluded that every single living resident of the United States suffers from a condition known as imposter syndrome, a psychological phenomenon in which people are unable to internalize their accomplishments, except for you, an actual fraud who is almost certainly on the verge of being found out by the people who only think they love and respect you any day now....

 · Laura Lis Scott