grief

This is a post about death and dying. “There’s nothing to see here, folks. Move along, move along.” • I didn’t plan on looking at the body, but when my sister and mother did, I had to. It wasn’t him. He was done with that shell. The body that had betrayed him. He had left already, with his last breath — that had been hard to witness, had left me kind of numb....

I need crying lessons. I don’t know how to cry. I don’t cry like the doyennes in the movies. My cries are blubbery, snotty, croaky things. I gag and cough. My blood presses against my head. My face hurts. My eyes burn. My tummy flip-flops. Even after sleep I’m still a wreck. My body is rubber. My brain just aches. My throat is raw. I need a more sustainable solution.